From the Mind of a Black American Woman

I toyed with ideas for phrasing in this blog, whether to use "African-American" or not. Casually speaking, everyone thinks in terms of "black girl" or "white people," or "the black vote" and "the white vote." Listen for the references on the news, in daily conversation and you will notice how often colors are used. So America thinketh, so are we -- and therefore, so go I. Thus, there is no politcal correctness here. Uncompromising black girlness only.

I am a professional of sorts, having worked in education, politics, corporate marketing and entertainment (on the seedy, superficial front end of performers and events), as well as in entertainment policy (on the seedy, superficial back end of vain, egomaniacal politicians, media business executives and their lobbyists). So, I know much about many things which is ultimately useful for absolutely nothing. I have Congressmen on my resume only because I know who some of them are, have, or may still be sleeping with. I say that in jest (partially), because I have been fortunate to work with people who are truly driven to do good things, but are just worn down by the struggle - and not the Harriet Tubman struggle of old. The new struggle.

I confess I really hate the word "struggle." It makes me envision a person tied up inside a canvas draw string bag trying desparately to get out. Picture with me if you will, the lumpy bag jerking and rolling around with someone writhing awkwardly fighting it. It smacks of both domination by one force and unrewarding efforts of futility by the dominated. STRing hUG uGLy E. (A puzzle for you.)But black people are trained to honor this word representative of our historic overcoming. No disrespect. I am however, on a quest to find a better word that represents the winning and not the losing.

Over the coming weeks, I will muse on various topics - and one will have to be how very much I hate the word "muse" as a verb. Being black and all(smile), I suppose you could say it will be written from a black perspective. I am very in touch with the hood in me, but was raised (mostly) in the suburbs. So, I speak "Oh My Gaaaawwd" and "Here he is!" as well as anybody. Bilinguistics of culture will be another topic. Just as several white people use the "N" word privately (oh come now, admit), within every black woman is the inate ability to turn a phrase with a sing-songy southern cadence not unlike the black maid in the Tom & Jerry cartoons. This applies to EVERY black woman, trust me. Even the Ivy-league ones you know. They can do it too. It's ancestral.

I am 38.

I was compelled to write this blog because though I have a novel, helpful how-to-manual, screenplay and, at the very least, a radio show inside me - I am not compelled to make it happen. I was somehow convinced at the tender age of eight that Ed McMahon would come to my Grandmothers house where I was babysat each day, and deliver unto me a check for $1Million dollars courtesy of Publishers Clearinghouse. I watched a thousand commercials between episodes of Young and the Restless where people were ecstatic. I wanted to be ecstatic. Then I saw my Grandad go our to the mailbox with his crutch - which he used as a cane because he was so tall - and mail the sweepstakes envelope. That was it. I have accomplished many fantastic things in my life, but whenever one thing approaches too closely to my true calling, I procrastinate and delay, shelve and postpone. There you have it: my tragic flaw. Publisher's Clearing Paralysis. Thinking that one day all of the planets will line up financially and personally, professionally and publicly for me to do the things I was meant to do.

Did I mention I am 38?

I bet you began reading thinking there might be some cutting poltitical commentary about the failings of the President. Or a black girl's perspective on some conspiracy theory as to why Mr. President's buddy, and maker of the voting machines at Diebold, promised he would deliver the numbers in the last election. Well, the numbers were delivered and Ohio pushed him over the top. Did America really choose him twice? Please rule from a condescending viewpoint and raid the treasury for your colleagues -- again? We love it that every-(Republican)-body eats at dubya's White House? Right? Just curious. It is so hard to believe. But then again it is America - and who is your ally? is the only question people care about. The answer is usually the one who is keeping money in your pocket and food on your table. I get it. Hey, We black women want our boy (or girl) in power just as much as the next man. I love those who keep me employed and income-earning as well. You know, the one who helps you preserve your lifestyle. To that end, Karl Rove helped amass enough people of power, a based just above the majority line to keep his man winning. And win they did. So who were the losers?

Black women.

Condi's Italian maker knee boots notwithstanding, WE are losing. Yes there are those above the suck-up line who are rising in corporate America by playing along and living the dream. But for those who will not ever get such a shot - and their children - they are not above water, above poverty, above failing via struggles (!) that wear them down. So, with their new outfits and latest dances and Beyonce facts they find joy where they can. They have sex, have children. They haven't heathcare, basic food group essentials or education quality and they sink.Thank God the world is flat and the playing field might be leveled -- one day.

Until then, I continue to live in many worlds, peeking in for the sisters who cannot be here, just to see what is going on and report back.